Bonjour bloggies!!
So, it’s been almost 2 weeks since I made a blog post and as
usual I have no reasonable excuse but I was channel flicking this evening and I
came across a show all about plus size women attempting to win a beauty pageant.
Now this is someone I would always of flicked passed because the thought of
watching it would maybe bring up feelings that are a little too close to home
but tonight instead of doing that I made myself sit and watch it, I allowed
myself to feel those things and I feel that was exactly what I needed.
This week I have lost 3lbs, therefore my overall weight loss
is sitting at 46lbs, which I am so proud of myself for but for some reason this
past week my heart has just not been in it. I have only been to the gym once
but that has been because of how much university work that I have to do and
also the amount of extra hours that I have been undertaking at work.
I can honestly say that I have not been slacking on my
eating, I haven’t had anything dairy, any carbs or anything remotely unhealthy
but I just haven’t felt the passion. However I think that watching this programme
has given me my confidence back.
Tonight I watched these women, these beautiful women, in my
opinion lie to themselves. I understand that they wish to feel confidant and
feel pride in themselves, but I notice those little things that I do to hide my
body and they are all still doing it. Those little pull down of the tops so
they cover their bottom, those dresses that show far too much “boobige” to draw
eyes away from the parts of their body that they do not like, those little
jackets or cardigans that cover their arms because they hate them.
Even the way that they talked about men, there was only one woman
that actually seemed happy with her relationship status. I can totally
understand them because I am one of them, I have never had a boyfriend and I do
totally think that is to do with the way I look at myself. I judge myself. I
hate myself. And I feel that watching this programme has brought back that
fight. I don’t want to exude fake confidence. I want to have that day where I love
myself enough to have true confidence and my blog friends there is something
that I can promise right now… I will be at my target weight by my 21st
birthday. I will exude that real confidence. I will love myself.
Until next time …
Love Yasmin Christina
xx
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