Lets start at the beginning shall we...
At the beginning of last week, I noticed that something didn't feel "normal" on the right breast... it wasn’t a lump or anything but it just didnt feel the way it normally did. I mentioned it to my mum on sunday and she very calmly said that I should just go to the doctors and get them to make sure that its nothing too serious. Now at this point I should make it very aware that there is a seriously long family history of cancer on my dads side and even more importantly there is a long history of breast cancer.
So, on Monday morning I called and made an appointment at my doctors (a place where I haven't been for a number of years) and luckily managed to get one for 10 to 5 that evening. Now I am at uni on a Monday so I didn't really have much time to think about it, thankfully. So, me being me (and by that I mean the kind of person that will turn up for lunch 30mins late but will turn up for work, uni and when i used to attend school about 20 mins early) I got there about half past 4. So I went in and the receptionist informed me that the doctor I was going to see was running about 15mins late. So, I happily picked a seat and sat down to wait.
After about 10 minutes of playing with my phone, checking facebook, twitter and instagram, pinning a few things on pintrest and checking sky news, I found myself thinking about what I could soon be told.
I don't often allow myself to evaluate my life for a couple of reasons, one being that I am still so young and haven't lived a very long life that there would be no point because a lot was yet to happen but on this occasion I did allow myself and I got thinking about everything.
I have always been the kind of person that is a little bit whacky but doesn't really jump into things. I have always really wanted a tattoo, I have wanted one for years but I have always been to scared in case I made a mistake and ended up not liking it. I have for years wanted to be slimmer (something which I began to tackle about 10 weeks ago) and ultimately I just want to be a little happier than I am just now.
As I sat in the waiting room, I began to ask myself... if what I was about to find out was bad news, would I be happy at the way I have lived my life? and I sadly realised that the answer was no. I would be annoyed at myself that I have disliked my body for so many years but hadn't done anything about it. I would be frustrated that I hadn't just gotten that tattoo, if I like it when I get it should be all that really matters. I would be so angry that I didn't make more of an effort to make myself happy and to ensure that everything I wanted I got.
"Yasmin Christina..." and I realised that the doctor was calling my name.
For now the answer for the different feeling of my breast is a little unknown but she did give me the news that I was praying to hear... it wasn't anything to worry about.
So, as I walked out that doctors surgery with a little bounce in my step I realised that I had the time and ability to make sure that everything I was so disheartened by I changed, everything I wanted I accomplished and most importantly, everything that I was unhappy about I became happy with.
Love Yasmin Christina
xx
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